Shame & Self-Criticism
Shame and self-criticism are the harsh inner voice and the deep sense of being flawed or “not good enough” that often sit underneath anxiety, perfectionism, and low mood.
How it can show up
- A relentless inner critic that attacks you over mistakes
- A deep feeling of being flawed, inadequate, or unlovable
- Comparing yourself unfavourably to others
- Difficulty accepting compliments, kindness, or your own successes
- Hiding parts of yourself for fear of being “found out”
What are shame and self-criticism?
Shame is the painful sense that something is wrong with us, not just with what we did. Self-criticism is the harsh, often automatic inner voice that polices us. Both are common human experiences, but when they run high they fuel anxiety and depression and make everything harder.
Why the inner critic is so sticky
High self-criticism is a transdiagnostic risk factor linked to the development and persistence of depression and anxiety (Blatt, 1995). Compassion-Focused Therapy (Gilbert) frames it through the brain’s threat, drive, and soothing systems: when the threat system dominates, self-criticism feels protective but keeps you stuck in fear and shame, while the soothing system stays underdeveloped.
How therapy helps
Compassion-Focused Therapy was developed specifically for people with high shame and self-criticism, and compassion-based practices have been shown to reduce both (Gilbert & Procter, 2006). We work to understand the critic’s origins, deliberately strengthen your capacity for self-compassion, and help you meet yourself with the steadiness you’d offer someone you love — which, research shows, increases resilience and motivation rather than lowering your standards.
Frequently asked questions
Isn’t my inner critic what keeps me successful?
Many people fear that, but research shows self-criticism tends to undermine resilience and motivation, while self-compassion supports both. You can keep high standards and accountability without the self-attack.
What therapy is best for shame and self-criticism?
Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) was developed specifically for high shame and self-criticism and has evidence for reducing both. It is often combined with ACT and CBT approaches.
Is self-compassion just self-indulgence?
No. Self-compassion means meeting yourself with honesty and steadiness, not lowering your standards. It is associated with greater motivation, resilience, and follow-through.
Free self-help resources
Evidence-based CBT workbooks from the Centre for Clinical Interventions (Government of Western Australia) — a helpful complement to therapy you can start on your own:
- Building Self-Compassion — Understanding Self-Compassion An introduction to self-compassion and how to build it.
- Improving Self-Esteem — What is Low Self-Esteem? A CBT workbook for understanding and improving low self-esteem.
- Caring Less About Your Looks — The Impact of Appearance Overconcern A CBT workbook for easing appearance-related self-criticism.
Selected clinical references
The approach to this concern is informed by established clinical models and treatment guidelines, including:
- Gilbert, P. (2009). The Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life’s Challenges.
- Gilbert, P., & Procter, S. (2006). Compassionate mind training for people with high shame and self-criticism.
- Blatt, S. J. (1995). The destructiveness of perfectionism: Implications for the treatment of depression.